Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
ugly people sure do ruin things
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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