I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
