oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just cropdusted the office
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
