Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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