she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
