I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
