I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
