I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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