I looked at my own cervix.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
