respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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