So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
