belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
