remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he fucked my hip out of place.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
