I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
