She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
