I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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