Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
