Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
