I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
