Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
