hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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