why didn't you poke me back
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Couch. On fire.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
