Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
