dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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