NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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