All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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