drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
