Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
