Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
