Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
