I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
