I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
