I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
