I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
