LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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