I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
