you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
