You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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