look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
