4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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