When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
