Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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