i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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