Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
