omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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