im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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