So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
