if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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