Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
