she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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