Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
