Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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