I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
