Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
