Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
