i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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