Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
