did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The adults are the big ones right?
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