think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
