It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
