Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
