problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
