he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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