it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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