Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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