I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
