remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she told me i tasted like america
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
