I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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