yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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