Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
